Utterly Simple
by HarajukuOtaku
Summary: Spencer seems like a wacky airhead...but what has he been doing? And how on earth does he know so much about Sam and Freddie? Seddie oneshot from Spencer's POV.


**A.N.: Spencer time! Whoo! I really, really love Spencer (though he's hard to write), in case you couldn't tell. Anyway, this is…after iLY (I know, you're shocked), and after iQ, but it pretty much spans the series. I disclaim everything. The song "Utterly Simple" belongs to Dave Mason.**

_Everything really is stupidly simple_

_And yet all around is utter confusion_

Spencer Shay may be an idiot, but he wasn't stupid.

He was much un-stupider than people thought he was, too. Set a couple fires (or…more than a couple), play Pak-Rat, and use a pizza as a shield and suddenly everyone treated you like a kindergartener.

Besides, pants were tricky things.

But while he might seem like a harmless guardian, he had a secret: He acted that way on purpose.

_We fit all our lives into regular patterns_

_All that we know is that we're really living_

Oh sure, maybe he was a little zany by nature, maybe a little fire-prone, but he'd discovered something amazing while observing the two best friends of his younger sister: No one really paid attention to him.

That might not sound like a good thing, but that meant he could be the unnoticed fly on the wall during conversations that he really wasn't supposed to hear.

_And knowing where his feet should walk_

_And when he should or shouldn't talk_

Case in point? He'd been working on his latest 'fix' to the rain-catcher on the roof when he'd seen a blonde head he knew very well sitting on a window sill. He'd run down the stairs and hurled himself onto the fire escape right above her, realizing with a start that she was talking to Freddie.

"…just…sorry, okay?" He heard her faint voice as it floated up to him. He'd nearly fainted at that—Sam apologizing was like watching a dog do math; it might happen occasionally, but it was still shocking when it did. They talked about first kisses for a bit (and that was kind of awkward to listen to), and then he heard Freddie laugh about something and Sam pester him about it. It seemed like none of his business (though, in hindsight, none of the conversation was actually his business), and so he stood up, ready to leave when four words stopped him dead.

"…that_ we_ should kiss?"

Cue Spencer Shay colliding very painfully with the floor as he tried to get a better look-slash-listen.

Sure enough, after about half a minute of awkward conversation and pauses, his sister's two best friends—who claimed to hate each other—were kissing. Was he surprised? Yes. But not shocked. In fact, being the awesome surrogate big brother for those two that he was, he considered making a cup of celebratory hot chocolate for both of them—but then thought better of it. Yes, they'd kissed, but they'd also sworn each other to secrecy. And that meant, since they weren't telling anyone (read: Carly), that he couldn't either.

Darnit.

So that meant that he had to act surprised when Carly started freaking out over Sam and Freddie kissing (which is probably one of the reasons that they didn't' want to tell her. And sure, he could've acknowledged them and un-duct-taped them later, but he knew they needed to…work out their issues. And it's not like they'd blame him for running out; it was just Spencer being Spencer.

Which he was quick to take advantage of.

_Don't look around to find the sound_

_That's right beneath your feet._

And then there was the time when Freddie saved Carly's life. It's not like he didn't like Freddie, he thought of him as a little brother. That didn't mean he approved of Carly dating him, but if it made her happy, then he'd step aside. It was hard, but he did it.

And losing the game of Assassin on purpose was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. When she appeared, hanging upside-down outside the door, he could've taken his blow gun out and shot her easily—he'd 'fumbled' for almost five seconds. But he didn't.

Why?

Sam wasn't as sharp as she normally was—or else she'd have beaten him already. He'd seen her teasing Freddie and Carly, and as funny as that was to watch, her heart wasn't completely in it. So he held back.

And then came the night of the Lock-in. Oh, the lock in. He'd been stuck in that stupid box all night, but that didn't mean he didn't have spies.

Enter stage _Brad_.

Brad had they whole nice-guy thing going for him, so no one got suspicious when he asked questions—questioning Freddie about what really happened at the lock-in (after telling the poor boy that he'd seen that Sam liked him way back when they didn't hire him), running recon on Sam (who he really couldn't find), etc. By the end of the next day, he knew almost everything—not that he could let that knowledge become known, of course.

Knowing everything could be lonely sometimes, but the payoff was worth it.

_Staring into empty space_

_Seeing things in people's faces others cannot find_

And then came the break up. Carly was confused the next day, saying that Sam was at home, of all places, locked in her room with her phone off (apparently after Carly'd called her twelve times), and Freddie was at school—on a Saturday, saying he had a project, and that he'd said 'they weren't dating anymore'. Spencer Shay wasn't confused, though. Not much went on in his house that he didn't know about.

It'd been almost a month—a little more than 3 weeks—and they still weren't back to normal. All they had to do—which was utterly simple—was talk it out, but those two were in a stubborn contest, it seemed, and neither one wanted to lose.

So he'd sit on his couch, waiting for the next development.

_We have nothing to hide, so why try to hide it?_

_I know there are some, but they're screwed up inside._

**A.N. Well, not the best thing I've ever written, but the song and the general plot idea wouldn't leave me alone. Reviews make me very very happy!**


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